What Are You Afraid Of – Blog Challenge D.6

I don’t think there’s enough time in the day to list all of my fears!

I think it would be easy to say spiders or something like that. But none of the usual phobias fit me. (Not that I would say I like spiders, or small places, or clowns.) The only thing that has gotten me into full out panic attack has been the thought of death. I know I won’t be here, on this planet in say 200 years, and I’m okay with that. Maybe even 100 years. But, it’s when I go any lower than that, that a rock forms in my stomach. I start thinking about which of my parents would die first, or my siblings, or my niece and nephew, or my brother in law, or the whole slew of people beyond them that make up my life. And I just freeze. In all of the ways that someone should just relax and live their life, I never have. My mind, for as long as I can remember, has always been so focused on the end. It’s pointless and time consuming and useless, but it is.

I fear losing the love. I fear not having loved enough. I fear not loving right. I fear not meeting enough people and connecting, but I don’t connect or put myself out there enough either. I fear not learning enough, or not learning the right things. I start learning so many things, I don’t think I have a grasp on the things I do try to learn…

I would drive a boggart insane. (Harry Potter reference)

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